A Farewell 回声

Our stories begin long before we are born, and the story of "A Farewell" came to me on a chilling New York night of April 2015, when I received a call from my mother in Beijing, that carried the unbearable news of my grandfather’s sudden death. Shocked and devastated, I was grieving not only because we were very close when I was a kid, but also because, to me, he was the only connection I had with my culture.

In China, the term “Hui” refers to an Islamic ethnic minority group who speak Chinese as their native tongue. For hundreds of years, the Hui have lived alongside with the Han Chinese, and have struggled to retain their culture and faith. However, on this soil where collective consciousness is highly celebrated, there’s always a desire for unity, and for needing to be the same. Since the rapid industrialization and modernization of China, younger generations of Hui have gradually estranged from their culture, and solely adopted the Han Chinese way of living. And I, am one of them.

Growing up in a modernized Hui family in Beijing as a millennium means that I experience the subtle clashes of two cultures in every day of my life. While I eat halal food at home, and follow some of the Islamic rituals in important events such as funerals, I also live and school with the Han Chinese and have never learned Arabic or stepped my foot into a Mosque. Meanwhile, I remembered the “Muslim” part of me being told by my parents to stay muted and silenced: never emphasizing my halal diet when going out with friends; and always taking the prayer hats off immediately after a funeral ceremony because there’s no need to cause unnecessary attention. There’s always a confusion clouded over my identity. I often feel torn between the Hui and Han, and questioned myself, which side do I truly belonged to, or can I ever belong to any? How can we hold on to our rich culture and heritage, and live a life true to who we are as an educated and independent person in the modern world?

This film is an exploration of love, grief, and the nuances and challenges to defining our identities. It’s about trying to connect to where we come from.  Writing and directing “A Farewell” has given me a way to explore the community my family has lost touch with, and an amazing outlet to reflect on how the two cultures have shaped who I am. The film does not give all the answers. It is simply the start of my journey to keep searching for the truth of my identity, help me shed some light on the complex fabric of the conditions of the marginalized people.

I hope this film sparks conversations in families and between communities about our heritage and history, about those things that we leave unsaid on dinner tables, as well as offers a different perspective of what it is like to be a Muslim in the world today given the global circumstances. 

Screener: https://vimeo.com/user5327615/afarewell